Sunday, 30 November 2008

Merry St Andrews Day!

I don't know if it was some subconscious awareness or a coincidence that St Andrews day this year comes just a day after the day that i got my first patriotic feelings since i was a little ignorant boy watching brave heart.
You see, technically i hate Scotland, we don't have a real culture of our own anymore, and tartan novelty hats with ginger hair doesn't count. Fair enough our history is a pretty successful and inspiring story, William Wallace battered a few wido cunts and we got a bit of 'FREEEEEDOOOOMMMMM' but what's come of it since then? Our legal system is a load of irrational rubbish, the police all seem the same as the chavvy pricks their ment to be fighting, well they seem like them, if them watched too many episodes of columbo. I hated it because we were so patriotic about an imaginary culture, the imaginary culture was one of everyone wearing kilts, killing English people, teaming up against the world, being the loudest singers, being immune to the snobyness and faults of the rest of the world, but all i seen was a big pit of the dregs from everyone elses cultures, just as much influenced from British and American media as England and America are, with foods that are seen as our own but they don't merit 'foods' , deep fried and take at most 5 minutes to prepare and we seem just as much a victim of the fast food franchises explosion as the country's they started in, if not more.

But my views on Scotland was changed yesterday;

I was in work (tesco) and there was a relief call for the check outs, i relieved them. One of the first people i served was an English family of a women and her two daughters. They didn't give me any eye contact, they didn't say thank you, they didn't return my greeting, they didn't even smile, they just talked gloomy amongst themselves and left without glancing back.
It wasn't this that effected me the most though, straight after that grumpy family, there was a nice old Scottish lady, and because she was straight after, i just seen her as a comparison and opposite of the last family, and she was stereotypically Scottish. She gave me eye contact, always smiled, made me feel so happy and relaxed. I felt like buying her 20 cups of tea and all the clubcard points you would ever need.
It completely opened my eyes to the not imaginary, but invisible culture we have, and it's invisible because it's not up itself enough to feel the need to make an appearance, but it's still completely there. Although Scotland is full of people stabbing each other, it's all done for the sake of a good time. Scottish people are probably some the most considerate down to earth people out of all the English talking country's. I hate to generalize, and i am generalizing, because some Scottish people are the opposite of what i'm saying, stuck up, delusional, ill mannered people ever, and some Americans and other British people are my favorites, come to think of it, all of my hero's come under that category.
But speaking in general, because if i where to speak specifically i'd have to go through everyone who is alive in the world, i quite like Scotland

Enjoy that haggis mate, peace and love x

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Everything is energy.

Time, space and matter.
matters seems like a good place to begin, the solidity of the world seems indisputable,
as a fixed thing you can see and touch,
your body's also reassuringly solid,
but beginning with Einstein,
modern physics has assured us,
this is a mirage,
after all, the body is made up of atoms,
these are particles whirling round at lighting speeds,
around huge empty spaces,
and the particles aren't material objects,
they're fluctuations of energy and information,
in a huge void of energy and information,
if you could see the body as it really is,
you'd see 99.9999% of it is mostly empty space,
and the other .00001% of it that you see as matter,
is also empty space,
the matter is just an illusion, an artifact of our perceptual experiences,
as you sift through this very solid looking material body,
you only have to go so far till u end up with a handful of nothing,
this is a scientific fact,
the question is what is this nothingness,
what is this empty space that makes up everything in existence,
because its very clear that the basic raw material of the universe,
is not materiel,
the essential stuff of the universe,
is non stuff,
because an atom which is the basic unit of matter,
is not really a solid entity,
its a void,
but is this void an emptiness,
or could it be the womb of creation itself,
could it be the source of life itself,
is this none stuff none matter that makes up the entire universe,
just emptiness, or is it thinking non stuff,
thinking non matter,
that curves back within its own self,
and creates everything in existence from matter, to energy, to time, to space,
as you dissect through the human body,
the various layers of organs, tissues, cells, molecules and atoms peel away,
until the subatomic is left, bundles of energy vibrations,
the nerve receptors in the body are switching stations that can take energy vibrations that can turn them into touch sight and sound and so on.

everything is energy

i feel like I'm melting into the ground every time i remind myself, we where all in a primordial soup that expanded and made everything, we're all part of the same thing, just looking back on itself, everything is everyone and everyone is everything, all you need is love!

Monday, 24 November 2008

Lucid Dreams, And My First Lucid Dream. (but not last)

I'd heard about lucid dreams ages ago, and the concept never really caught my complete attention, but since I've been in college, Darren in my course has been telling me about his regular lucid dreams and so i was officially, quite interested.
A Lucid Dream is when one reaches a state of semi-consciousness during R.E.M sleep (which kicks in after about 90 minutes). The state of semi-consciousness means that, although still sleeping, one is in control of, not just his/her actions and movements in the dream, but in complete control of everything/everyone that surrounds them. Imagine it like the scene in the matrix where neo and Morpheus are in a big white space and can call up any situation or object or person to surround them, well that's basically what you have to work with in lucid dreams.
There where many ways i looked at to make lucid dreams happen, a common one was to get into the habit of checking the time, because clocks don't work properly in dreams so if you look at it one time and it's half 3, and then you look at it again and it's a picture of 2 radiators then you know your dreaming. Once you've reminded yourself your dreaming the trick is to make sure you slowly become conscious of it, but not too quickly that you wake yourself up.
Lots of places i researched said you should keep a log book for your dreams that you fill in every time you wake up so that you notice reoccurring dreams, so you then notice them when your dreaming and hence become aware of it.
I didn't have the motivation for that so I've just been reminding myself about lucid dreams the past few days in hope I'd work out a situation in my dream where i try and make one happen.
Last night, i had my first lucid dream.
I was running to my work at tesco, and when i got into the car park, instead of the fat man in the yellow jacket who organizes how many taxi's are in the rank, it was in fact, Jackie Onassis. The widow of tragically assassinated president John F Kennedy. She was wearing her jacket and hat that she always wears, and i remember thinking "hmm, Jackie Onassis shouldn't be controlling how many taxi's get into the tesco car park in Greenock. I understand her life was slightly tore apart with the death of her husband, but surely she's moved onto something a little bit more dignified than this," My conclusion was, i was dreaming, and my second thought was 'lucid dream lucid dream lucid dream lucid dream,"
To test my theory i went up to Jackie Onassis and questioned her on her motive for being here, because somewhere in my head i had a thought that made no sense, that said 'if i start going and summoning everything i want in my surroundings, it'll be a bit rude if it isn't a dream because these people just want to get on with things, i best make sure it really is a dream before i ride unicorns to Alton towers," (can you really be too polite to have a lucid dream?)
So i approached Jackie Onassis and asked if this was a dream, she said no, and i started changing the colour of her jacket, i changed it from turquoise to purple to eventually a moving rainbow colour, all at my will. This confirmed for me i was dreaming, and lucid dreaming. So now i had to go and do the matrix empty space thing where i start imagining everything i want.
This is the part that I've been reading is apparently the tricky part, because you have to stay on the right thought level that keeps you sleeping but completely conscious in your dream to make everything you want happen.
So, for a while i just stayed concentrated, to make sure i was still sleeping, then i jumped up, really high until tesco car park was gone, but where i ended up was the top floor of the new car park... at least it was empty. I started trying to imagine Alexa Chung with no clothes on, and i think this is where i went wrong, because i woke up. Reading about lucid dreams, I've learned you can't master them over night, and i think me starting off with the object of my desires was something that required too much exciting thought, so i woke up.
So I'm going to keep trying, and I'll remember next time to start off with something, although still desired, not as exciting as Alexa Chung without any clothes on.. maybe a choc-ice perhaps.

I'll get back to you all once i have a successful lucid dream with choc-ices AND Alexa Chung with no clothes on, I'll possibly have her eat a choc-ice as well.

I hope I've inspired some of you to try to have lucid dreams, i would suggest it. Some Psychiatrists try to prescribe them to there patients therapeutically because you can technically change your life in them. Conquer fears, manage and realise truths, work out social situations, see Alexa Chung with no clothes on etc.. technically the only difference between dreams and 'reality' is that the consequences of one dream doesn't carry on to the next, but i don't think that means that the consequences and conclusions worked out in dreams can't be carried onto reality.

If any of you end up having a lucid dream, or if you've had one before, tell me about it, i love listening the storys of them, some are hilarious.

But on that, I'm leaving you. good luck with the dreaming. peace and love x

oh, here's something to motivate you. Yes, Alexa Chung shall be the motivation behind our lucid dream movement, viva la Chung!


Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Please Excuse My Subject

I usually wouldn't let a matter as trivial and vain as the one about to be brought up get into my blog, but it's one that it'd probably be healthier for me in the long term if i used this as a theraputic discourse to get to grips with how i feel about it. I'm going to talk about receeding hairlines.
It was pretty much a definite sentance that i was going bald. Off the top of my head i can't think of any male in my immediate family that doesnt have some sort of a balding pattern, but as a child this seemed inadequate to my other problems such as what i was going to name that woodlouse, and how i was going to stab my sister without getting charged with attempted murder by the all seeing law that was granny betty. During my teens however, it started actually happening, but nothing to dastric, i took it as a joke, and so did the yearbook when i was put in as most likely to be bald by the age of 20. But in the last few months i've noticed it getting alot worse, i had my hair beatles pop years length and when i got it shaved i was kindof shocked, so i grew it again to cover it up, but it won't cover it up this time, which is the frustrating bit.
Infact i've drawn you a diagram to better explain what i'm saying
you see?
So now i'm stuck with stupid looking long hair, or stupid looking short hair, and i don't even have the face for it to make me look old.
By writing this i thought i'd come to some sort of conclusion. Have i? i don't think i have.
I have.
I greeted you as Kyle Daniel Lochhead, and i leave you, as Kyle Daniel Lochhead, the man who now wears hats, and what a perfect time to introduce them into my life than winter.
Well, good night, ladies and gentlemen, and this night, don't take ur hair for granted with a thought of the possibility of waking up with your hair all over the pillow tomorow, and blood actually, to make it worse.. your mums blood.

Peace and love x

Unbiased question for you all.

I have a question for you, and it's genuinly out of interest. I think peoples favourites songs must be good in someway if they can be anyones favourite song. Not like when emo's say there favourite song is by fall out boy, and when neds say there favourite song is by dj md2020 featuring MC MontaeFuckAn'GeezYerJaiket, because that's what there expected to like.
But proper personal unbiased true honest favourite songs.

So, what's your 5 favourite songs ? and i'll genuinly check them out, you can post anonomously if you don't have an account

to start off heres mine, in no particular order:

*The Beatles - I Am The Walrus
*Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
*El-P - The Overly Dramatic Truth
*Alien Ant Farm - Movies
*Dan Le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip - A Letter From God To Man

now you go. peace and love x

Monday, 10 November 2008


This is what Bill Hicks said someone who takes lsd might realise;
"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed into a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectivly, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves, .... now here's tom with the weather"

Well this is what i have realised, after a period of about 3 years of crazy thinking and research, without taking any lsd;
all matter is merely energy condensed into a slow vibration, we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectivly, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

so now i know theres atleast a 3 year gap between hearing something, and understanding it.
and i don't want to know what will happen if i took lsd now.

Right, well that's the right side of my brain conquered, now for the left side... who's up for a game of sodoku? x

Thursday, 6 November 2008

The best song to listen to on your ipod, whilst walking.

I have 9.23GB of music on my itunes as of the morning of the 6th of November 2008 AD. The ipod i bought of Gareth for £20 holds 4GB of music. This essentially turns my ipod nano into an ipod shuffle, in that i have to go through all my music and select each indiviudual song i want on it, and even when i have, i always overstep it, so i haven't used it in a while. On sunday however, i done the tedious and my ipod is now up and running, and i'm really happy about it, i forgot how great it was to just walk when you can hear music in your head, sometimes i get to into it and i think i'm in a music video.
To the point of the blog, i was walking to college this morning and i had my ipod on shuffle, the first song that came on was 'The overly dramatic truth' by 'El-P' , and i had atleast 3, of what can only be described as, orgasms.
I can't imagine any other song that's better to walk to than this one, it's undescribeable, i wanted to kick down every wheely bin i passed and rip the heart out of every o.a.p walking to get there pension.
Heres the song, but to get the effect, download it, buy it, whatever, and put it on your ipod and just walk and listen to every single individual lyric and every beat, tenner if your eyes don't well up, well maybe that was the wind.
Rest in peace, ear virginity.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008


Obama killed his gran for the sympathy vote last night, he's willing to go that far.. let him win.

P.S follow a funny funny blog ...

who do we think will get president then? not that i care, i'm kooler than that, i have sunglasses and all that stuff so i don't even care. x

Monday, 3 November 2008

Hallows Eve

Halloween, i hate halloween. It's just like any other weekend but instead of you sitting with your friend drinking, it's you sitting with your giant human banana drinking. I'm sitting drinking with a giant banana because the celts used to celebrate the end of the harvest and slaughter there livestock on this day, so why the fuck am i drinking with a giant banana, shouldn't i be taking to some cows with a machete, at what point did the giant banana come into this equation, where the fuck is my machete?
I think theres only one other type of person who would boycott halloween with me, and that's overweight females. Putting myself briefly in the shoes of a female at halloween it'd seem all i have to do is start with the template "Slutty ____ " and fill the blank with literally anything, just this year i've seen the usual suspects like slutty nurse, slutty vampire, slutty alice in wonderland, slutty giant banana. I've also seen some new ones, slutty cavewomen (did they exist?), slutty skeleton, slutty mummy, slutty stapler. It's great to see girls are really progressing and making a good name for themselves, i sure had my finger on the pulse of female culture before i seen the proof of intelectual evolution that was a slutty pocahontas.
The only bad thing i would think that'd happen if halloween ended would maybe be a few costume companys going out of business (maybe that's why they keep halloween alive?) but i think it'd do us good if when in the need of a costume, we made it ourselves, we could do with the practice of practical crafts.
So what i propose is to completley scrap halloween, to keep the fun in it we can make the same date 'dress up and get drunk day' so atleast we're being honest, but on the condition that we make our own costumes. And if you want to keep halloween the way it is but still accept my point of view, then join me, October the 31st 2009, in the cow fields, with a machete and a giant banana suit. See you there ! peace and love x