Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Merry Fucking Christmas, Ladies.

Yes, it's that time of year again, freezing isn't it, but what are we even celebrating?
The answer you'd usually get is Jesus' birthday, well, the end of the winter
solstice if you realise that Christianity, and most religions are metaphors for the movement of the sun, and they are metaphors for the movement of the sun, but that doesn't matter at all because i love you.
You see, Jesus isn't really what
Christmas is about is he. Christmas is about Christmas. Santa didn't die for our sins, and why the mongo would we want him to?! I don't even think it's wrong anymore to accept Christmas as something that isn't particularly religious. The decorations, the songs, the presents, the family dinners, the television specials, the party's, the love, they've all seem to become celebrations of themselves rather than celebrations of something external, especially not an imaginary carpenter who's faithers a bit too into his talking snakes and impossibly large boats.
Christmas spirit just doesn't bring them things to mind for me, but what it does bring is a little insight into how good and real people can be, and i fucking love it.

Yes, despite what my other
cynical and pessimistic and deluded points of view may have pointed to, i literally wish it could be Christmas every day!
I think what happens is, people see
Christmas as an excuse to start loving everyone, because it's been happening around this time of year since they where born, open your eyes to it! Everyone's so happy, nobodies threatened, no ones a gang of yobs, no ones a pedo, no ones a fat cow, no ones a rival, no ones an enemy, everyones just basking in love so much they get rid of all the stupid made up things that we've reminded ourselves of throughout the rest of the year, but they also think that this can only happen at christmas time, and it so doesn't.
I said i wouldn't go on about the
Christianity bit but I'm just clearing it up so i don't get people going "WHAATT? THEEEEES MAANN EEEEZZ WRONNGG AYEEE THEEENK,"
The story is that Jesus got crucified
tae fuck on the 22nd, he lay dead for 3 days and was resurrected on the 25th of December. Before you but in with the smart arse "NAW EASTURS FUR AE RESURECTION AKSHILLY," well it is, aswell, because Jesus is a metaphor for the sun, the sun is at it lowest on the 22nd of December (effectively dies.. like jesus p.s this is also my birthday) and it stays at its lowest for 3 days, and starts moving up again on the 25th of December (resurrected), and the reason we don't celebrate the resurrection properly until Easter is because Easter is the day when the daytime officially becomes longer than the night time, so the crops can start growing like a bastard again.
And i know you don't care about crops, but the people from the world before televisions and
tesco did, which is why it's so much more stupid that you still blindly believe this stupid story in this modern age.
I'm sorry for shouting at you honey, i love you, Merry
Ok so the reason i was clearing that up is because i was going to say that i don't think there's any way that all these good changes in people happen because of a story of a guy who couldny hack sittin oan a board for a couple of hours but then said he was awrite, but I'm sure not saying that it doesn't take a cover up to give people an excuse to love each other, apparently it does and that's just the way people are just now, but it's better having a cover up to make people love everything than to not at all.
I think
Christmas is what the 60's must have felt like, and i want all of you to take Christmas and the 60's as an example of what we have to be changing ourselves into. Ok infact maybe scrap the sixty's, it did have a bit too much colours, and drugs.. mind opening drugs, and peace, and love, and wild sex, and amazing music...... ok sorry forget what i said we're including the 60's again.
Here's my point.
Look at this
comparison; Christmas time, and post Christmas time. Everyone's miserable after Christmas, because everyone thinks that's all the love and happiness finished, well who decided that? IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE!!

Them amazing feelings you get at
Christmas time and wait a whole year for don't actually come from Christmas time itself, that's just a time of year, they come from you! So don't see it as the only time you're allowed to start being amazing because it doesn't have to be limited. Just take Christmas as a little sneak preview of how great everything can be if we get our act together.

OH whats you're favourite
Christmas song? post anonymously if you don't have an account! I'm in the middle of downloading lots.
My favourite i think is Tom Jones + Catatonia - It's cold outside.
Housemartins - Caravan of Love

Have a sexy fucking
Christmas and a breathtaking new year you bunch of crimbo bastards.
Peace and love x

Monday, 8 December 2008

Freestyling!!!!!.... well, poetry.

I've had the cold and i find that's made my mind very unmotivated and i don't like to think about anything at all really, because everything's depressing.
So this blog, is not anything influential, it's not an interesting commentary or the habits of society or my peers.
What it is, is simply some of the freestyles that i have participated in today.
Yes freestyles, or poetry to the less hip, more commonly known as the 'white man'.
You may ask, "But Kyle, you don't participate in the world of hip hop? Never have i seen you with even the smallest amount of bling, nor with the weakest of ak's, nor with the skankiest of ho's,"
Well, if you open your mind, poetry battles is probably the best thing to make a boring day on the internet a little bit better.
So without out further a poo :

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
cameron black
yer sacks a fukn sack
if yi havent noticed yet this is a fukn freestyle
and yir about tae git pumped of a poet called kyle
technically its a poem, cos we're both caucasian
but that doesnt mean that ma poems arent amazin
take e fukn mic
or keyboard or watever
or are u guna syke
and fukn spew out yer liver

Cameron Black says:
nah i be reppin fresh from the top of my head
my rymes will nock you sick , snuggled up in your bed
ill spit it to this beat , that there is not
then stuff and thing that ryme with what
Im fresh , i cant be touched , im a man of the night
dont be hatin on me cause my skin colour is white
i know im good man , but i dont like to boast
I know im white, but man, you look like you seen a ghost

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
look mate, stop tryn to make these poems all about race,
the colour isnt the worst thing about ur ugly face,
seen a ghost? wee man i dont believe in paranormal,
and just because i can, im guna make this rhyme formal:
dear sir, you appear to be unskilled in the art of rappin,
it'd be my suggestion drop the mic and start nappin,
because i'm a good sport, it'd be spiffing to keep going,
cos theres no way my spits will ever stop the flowing,
so on that note
on that final mile
im ending the poem here
yours sincerley, kyle.

Cameron Black says:
dont be hatin on me like im fuckin fem-in-en
I know i cant rap, stole the last line from em-in-em
ill try not to hurt you, spare you my gravement
any mere eh that shit though , splat yer brains on the pavement
ill keep this goin , my keyboards on fire
rappin so hard youl early retire
if your smart enough youl give up hope
layin this shit down sweeter than afgahn dope

Cameron Black says:
:))there so fun:))

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
'there so fun' here thats one of ur quotes,
thats so much a shiter it'd probably float,
floatin like a toli without the aid of a boat,
yer minds rainin so much shite al needtae buy a coat,
am thinkin about copyin these to ma blog,
but as insides jokes they could be as clear as fog,
and incase yer an arsehole thats not very clear,
and if yi hate that metophor al slit yi ear to ear,
cos ma mind comes up with the most beautiful things,
and am not talkin about silk sheets and fancy diamond rings,
but more so things that are less materialistic,
things that stick in yer head like there drippin in prit stick,
things that involve subjects you've never heard of,
things thatl cos the poshest of men to buy a bergos,
things that regard no ettiquette or boundries,
things that are hotter than molten steel in foundries,
things that can cos a fate not much better than rabies
infact... thinkin about it.. all these things are dead babies.

Cameron Black says:
kicken it fresher than ever, like a newborn pup
ma rymes are so fly, layin it down straight up
ill talk about anything you want from the bible to toast
lyrics to make chill and cold like jack froast
like a snowman
and ill demand
on a stand
than ma hand
will comand
and strike you
its a matter of fact, i dont like you
come back , try to spit and defend
its over for now , but this aint the end

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
first of all, yer last lines a contradiction,
word of warnin av git mare blades then yer granny bettys kitchen,
thats one of the many reasons you should stop the act now,
or you'll be more up for the slaughter than a beefy angus cow,
the bible to toast? fair enuf thats quite a range,
but neither of them subjects can cos ma life to change,
its not amount of subject matter, its wether its relevant,
and if you look, yours is trivial, like a thimble to an elephant,
so thats ma revolt, is that quite all?
cause you know if you call back again, your guna fall

Cameron Black says:
Yer skills are pish , random collection of words
Insapration - flight-of-the-con-cords
Coming up against you turns out as a joke
i think your dreaming ,you need to be woke
from you sleep, about elephants and cows
and finally realise that right about nows
the time,
to give up trying,
up-ag-ainst-me-equals-lyri-cly -dying
nice try, but it ends today
pack up your shit son, and get on your way

That was my rhymes with cameron, go on his blog at http://cameron-black.blogspot.com/

And the following rhymes are my rhymes with Laurie, you might not understand these ones. Especially if you're in any way, not as cool as us.

Kyle Daniel Lochhead:
aw forgot to ask, see next weekend?
don't bring down any kitchens or time,
and please do not let me serf any highly raised wine,
bring down the receipt from where u purchased ur saed,
and if yoov not had a jesus supper ur not goin to bed,
we'll be stickin on some music, a cant think of life without it,
same goes for any splendid yellow ping pong player outfits,
when yer down we best be checkin flights for fukn amsterdam,
and a wham bam merci danke thanka ya mam,
bita beer,
bita lite
never fear
pickin fights
but now, look, the poems come to an end
and im out of bebo love,its rare, so we'll just have to pretend.


Laurie Veitch:
that poem you sent me was a wee bit too Lite,
hopefully this one will turn out to be, suhlight,
but a need to go n finish ma lamp soon,
then ill be stickin eh fuckin wine doon,
can't wait to be chln,
cant wait, it'll be saed,
cant wait to be drappin eh chilli n bread,
cant wait tae tan,aw eh free wine,
cos lets be honest, wen have i ever had time,
gonnae return on wednesday to ma home,
if am not back by then a think ill fuckin BWOHM!

that was my rhymes with laurie, go on his blog at www.he-doesnt-actually-even-have-a-blog.com

I hope this post made you giggle atleast thrice.
Peace and love! x