Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Alphabet of doom, i love pigs, nothings going to change my world, Om.

Know what's wrong with everyone?
Bad music.

You know when you go on youtube, and you start typing, it gives you suggestions of popular searches from around the whole world.

I went through the whole alphabet and it was all bad music as the first suggestion, basicly.

Heres the list

akon
beyonce
chris brown
disturbia
eminem
Fall out boy
green day
hot n cold (katy perry song)
i kissed a girl
just dance (lady gaga)
katy perry
lil wayne
miley cyrus
ne-yo
obama (lol)
pink
queen (i like queen)
rhianna
single ladies (beyonce song)
t pain
usher
vanessa hudgens
Womanizer
X factor
young jeezy
Zac efron





AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bland age, i wish everyone would just be fucking cool.

I've pretty much been unhappy ever since i was old enough to realise that the 60's existed, and i wasn't there.

What horrible spew music, it'd be nice to think that people are going to become cooler and smarter, but i'm telling you now, there fucking not. Everyones just going to get more stupid and all of the problems we have just now are going to grow, because it's optimum conditions for it. I'd hope that at some point in my lifetime, a big change would happen, but it's not, i'm going to die, surrounded by idiots. I completley understand suicide bombers, seriously, 'I don't like these people, i don't want to live with them, i'm going to put myself out of misery, and kill as many as i can while i'm at it,'
Fair enough, good on you.

Swine flu? Great fucking idea, i'm backing it. Just turn up the notch to pandemic for 40 days and 40 nights, please. Is there anything i can do to help? Not cover my mouth? Great! Less work for me, not wash my hands? Great, more time to spend moaning about bad music.

I think pigs have an amazing taste in music, i bet they just rock out to hendrix and the beatles and eat mushrooms all day, and they here all the fannys driving past there farms playing lady gaga, and one of them just went:
"Here,"
"What?"
"Naw hink there musics shite?"
"Aye, so balls man,"
"Innit mate, here, see how we're fuckin dirty bastards?"
"Aye,"
"Well wattae jiss go up n cough on hunners o them?"
"Aye actually, worth a shot,"

BOOM swine flu.

i love pigs, thank you pigs, continue with your good music, and please cough on lady gaga.

You might think i'm taking peoples music tastes to seriously, but i'm completley not, it has so much to do with it. Sound is crazy, it does crazy shit, it can provoke emotions and heal you and shit, you know when buddhists go 'Ommm,' Well, they say it because 'Om' is what they call, the sound of the universe, the sound of the constant flux of the whole universes true identity, and when you speak old manuscripts in the ancient languages and watch the sound waves they manipulate shit, i don't know much about it, it's crazy though.
But music is just a more concious version of that, what are you actually getting out of a horrible song like 'single ladys,' by beyonce, i like dance music, and i don't want to dance to this, it doesn't have a good beat, it offers nothing, the only reason you like it is because you like beyonce and you like things that are familier to you, and it's familier because the people who want money from you, play it to you so you listen to it more. 'AAA DUHH SINNGUU LAYYY, AAA DUHH SINGUU LAYSSS, AAA DUUUHH SINGUU LAYYS,'
fuck off.

listen to the beatles, really.
I think if the most tragic thing that could ever happened to me happened to me, something really tragic, take my dear gran, she's lived through wars and hard times throughout the century, say she got beaten up by a bunch of neds, another result of our shitty stupidity and media, you'd think i'd be raging and distraught if that happened, but i think if it did happen, and i listened to a couple of beatles songs, i'd be completley content again, if i stuck on 'across the universe' and listened to it on repeat a coupla of times, it'd just bring back the feeling of 'it's just a ride,' and that everyones everything and nothing matters and theres no such thing as death and everythings trivial and i can change the world because i am the world and all i have to do is nothing at all.

Jai guru deva, Om. Nothings going to change my world, nothings going to change my world.

Good music does alot.

If that happened to my Gran and i listened to 'AAAA DUHH SINGULL LAYYSS, AAAA DUHHH SINGULLL LAAY,' by beyonce i'd get nothing, apart from stupider and stupider, but, i've noticed, that that type of stupid person, completley thrives in the way things work just now.

All you need to do to have a 'succesful' life just now is, be good looking, be able to remember hundreds of shit, afford clothes, preferably super dry, afford hair gel, make it clear you listen to the latest music (AA DUH SINGUL LAY), be productive.


"Fitter, happier, more productive,
comfortable,
not drinking too much,
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week),
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries ,
at ease,
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats),
a patient better driver,
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat),
sleeping well
(no bad dreams),
no paranoia,
careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole),
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then),
will frequently check credit at
(moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors,
fond but not in love,
charity standing orders,
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),
car wash
(also on Sundays),
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,
nothing so childish - at a better pace,
slower and more calculated,
no chance of escape,
now self-employed,
concerned (but powerless),
an empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism),
will not cry in public,
less chance of illness,
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat),
a good memory,
still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick,
that's driven into
frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics."


Everything else has been set up to work its self to your benefit around that.

If that's the way you choose to seek happyness, enjoy you're wheel of samsara while i'm surfing around the infinite kaliedascope of one-ness called love.

I'm sorry to be so mean, i love you.

Nothings going to change my world, Om.


Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Please, 40 days and 40 nights.

Hate
This
Decade.

I feel how invisible man in the sky number 1 felt when he made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights, he probably just hated the decade you know, because if i had the power to make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights i would, but neither 'God'  nor 'Storm from X-men' can help me out with that, cheers bastards.

I'd bet that in the decade where God done that, everyone was listening to shit music, nobody was thinking, idiots where in charge and young people where watching Skins series minus 1 BC.

The decade we're in now has brought us all of these wonderful things;
-Stupid people
-Bad music
-Stupid people being in charge of bad music
-Stupid people being in charge of smart people (which gradually turned into.....)
-Stupid people being in charge of stupid people
-People with no opinion of there own
-People with no creativity
-Zombies
-Zombies
-Zombies
-Hadouken
-Zombies

We're literally living in dawn of the dead, the zombie apocolypse. 
In that we have millions of people with no brains walking around.
Eating other peoples brains in that everything they express themselves with is out of the minds of other people.
Another similarity is that if you shoot them in the head they die.

Never have i felt so embarassed about being a teenager.
I'm going to give u a comparasin, here's what teenagers wanted in the 60's:
Peace, Love, Happyness, Enlightenment, Spiritual Awakenings, Knowledge, Unity, Loss of materialism, Loss of physical vessels.

Heres what teenagers from our decade want:
That dress that like, that dress that em that girl from skins had on aw it was soooo lovely, em like hat that the guy from hadouken had on aw its sooo nice, Guns, bling bling, ho's, heat magazine, to be in heat magazine.

I'm getting myself in a bad mood.
I'm going for a bath.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Self Destruction 101

Heres how to become self destructive in 26 easy steps

1)A vodka pineapple please mate.
2)www.youporn.com
3)Prefer own company, to company of peers.
4)Criticise everything.
5)Awrite, eh same again please, vodka pineapple? Infact double please.
6)Don't criticise anything done/decided by yourself, you are right.
7)www.youporn.com
8)Find out about really bad chemicals like aspartame and flouride being in diluting juices and flavoured water.
9)Drink more diluting juice and flavoured water than you ever have in your life, regardless of full knowledge about bad chemicals, in search of the probably unexistant chaos/excitement that these chemicals might bring about.
10)Discover super noodles.
11)Eh, another double vodka pineapple and a shot of jaigermeister please mate, cheers.
12)www.youporn.com
13)Force yourself to get up early for college/work, only to spoil your own effort by intentionally being slower than you need to, and taking 5 to 10 minute periods of pausing what you're doing, staring into space and switching off you're mind to everything, except the fact you're almost completley intentionally making yourself late, and letting people down, all the while being uplifted by the possibility of these bleak prospects.
14)EHHH HAHA, EHHH 2 JAIGERBOMBS AN' A DOUBLE VODKA AND RED BULL HAHAA.
15)Intentionally stare at the scariest looking ned out of the gang right in the eye when walking past, a ned you would have blanked in any way possible previously, even if not seeking conflict with said ned. (see number 9. for logic)
16)www.youporn.com
17)Open savings account, withdraw money from it for alcohol until all is gone. (Acknowledge self loathing that comes with this step)
18)Blatantly ignore any potential for relationships, chant 'It's just a fuck about, she doesn't even like me,' mantra.
19)AA WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BARS SHUT?! AM JUS SAYIN ONE LAST DRINK FUCK SAKE!
20)Become increasingly un fond of social situations, lose motivation to fake conversation for the sake of a pleasent social experience, create akward moments when possible.
21)Carefully set out in head, a to do list for near future that will better life in all areas.
22)Take completed to do list, regurarly look at it, make promises and deadlines for certain tasks.
23)NEVER complete said tasks.
24)Bask in self dissapointment when all deadlines have passed, throw away to do list.
25)Question achievments of recent years, try not to commit suicide.
26)Double you double you double you dot you porn dot com

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Economy? lol

"You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out
Don't you know it's gonna be all right


You say you got a real solution
Well, you know
We'd all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well, you know
We're doing what we can
But when you want money
for people with minds that hate
All I can tell is brother you have to wait
Don't you know it's gonna be all right


You say you'll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it's the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao
You ain't going to make it with anyone anyhow
Don't you know it's gonna be all right
all right, all right
all right, all right, all right
all right, all right, all right ,"


Some wise and what should be especially relevant words from great John Lennon.
All the economy business is getting a bit mental, riots in france, they've probably got the right idea, it's not really up to the people in charge to handle it, clearly, they're the greedy sick minds that got us into all the shit, and don't dismiss the possibility that this could be what they intended. It's up to the majority to sort it out, get shit done, naa'msayin?
Doesn't matter though.

Friday, 2 January 2009

Awrite Pal

Awrite pal, it's January, and what's January? A really big fucking Monday. There's something really unsatisfying about it even if it seems unjustified, I've just worked my way through 12 months of bollocks to get to the Christmas and new year season, and now I've got to start again. A big fucking Monday, and it's another 12 months away from the big fucking Friday night.
Christmas season was good funs, went out for my birthday, then out for Christmas eve's eve, then Christmas eve, then boxing day, then boxing day after party, then the celebration of the great 28th of December, then hogmany eve's eve, then hogmany eve, then hogmany, hogmany of course carries on until about 3 in the afternoon on new years day, to be awoken by Brendan's friendly head in you're face saying "SLICE? BACON?... YOU WANT ANY SLICE OR BACON?" yes Brendan, yes i fucking do, and it was a beautiful slice sanny that would leave even Gordon Ramsay shaking in his swear words and herbs and over pronounced wrinkles. And now i am in bed, and have been for about 2 days.
I'm trying to promise myself that I'm going to do something really productive tomorrow, because in a few days i have to get back into the swing of college paper work, tesco money work, structured routines and early rises. Not that i really put any motivation into that before the holidays but I'm allowed to start now if i want.
I've made a list of all the things i want to achieve in 2009, here it is.
1. Go back to Holland
2. Well that's actually all I've got so far, but i am working on it.
And that's all i have to say really, the transition from 2008 to 2009 didn't make much change to be honest, all that's changed is that there's now a hamsters hutch plus 1 hamster in my bathroom, and i have a new hat.
Hope you all had absolutely indescribable holidays, have a happy giant fucking Monday.
Peace and love x

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Merry Fucking Christmas, Ladies.


Yes, it's that time of year again, freezing isn't it, but what are we even celebrating?
The answer you'd usually get is Jesus' birthday, well, the end of the winter
solstice if you realise that Christianity, and most religions are metaphors for the movement of the sun, and they are metaphors for the movement of the sun, but that doesn't matter at all because i love you.
You see, Jesus isn't really what
Christmas is about is he. Christmas is about Christmas. Santa didn't die for our sins, and why the mongo would we want him to?! I don't even think it's wrong anymore to accept Christmas as something that isn't particularly religious. The decorations, the songs, the presents, the family dinners, the television specials, the party's, the love, they've all seem to become celebrations of themselves rather than celebrations of something external, especially not an imaginary carpenter who's faithers a bit too into his talking snakes and impossibly large boats.
The
Christmas spirit just doesn't bring them things to mind for me, but what it does bring is a little insight into how good and real people can be, and i fucking love it.

Yes, despite what my other
cynical and pessimistic and deluded points of view may have pointed to, i literally wish it could be Christmas every day!
I think what happens is, people see
Christmas as an excuse to start loving everyone, because it's been happening around this time of year since they where born, open your eyes to it! Everyone's so happy, nobodies threatened, no ones a gang of yobs, no ones a pedo, no ones a fat cow, no ones a rival, no ones an enemy, everyones just basking in love so much they get rid of all the stupid made up things that we've reminded ourselves of throughout the rest of the year, but they also think that this can only happen at christmas time, and it so doesn't.
I said i wouldn't go on about the
Christianity bit but I'm just clearing it up so i don't get people going "WHAATT? THEEEEES MAANN EEEEZZ WRONNGG AYEEE THEEENK,"
The story is that Jesus got crucified
tae fuck on the 22nd, he lay dead for 3 days and was resurrected on the 25th of December. Before you but in with the smart arse "NAW EASTURS FUR AE RESURECTION AKSHILLY," well it is, aswell, because Jesus is a metaphor for the sun, the sun is at it lowest on the 22nd of December (effectively dies.. like jesus p.s this is also my birthday) and it stays at its lowest for 3 days, and starts moving up again on the 25th of December (resurrected), and the reason we don't celebrate the resurrection properly until Easter is because Easter is the day when the daytime officially becomes longer than the night time, so the crops can start growing like a bastard again.
And i know you don't care about crops, but the people from the world before televisions and
tesco did, which is why it's so much more stupid that you still blindly believe this stupid story in this modern age.
I'm sorry for shouting at you honey, i love you, Merry
Christmas.
Ok so the reason i was clearing that up is because i was going to say that i don't think there's any way that all these good changes in people happen because of a story of a guy who couldny hack sittin oan a board for a couple of hours but then said he was awrite, but I'm sure not saying that it doesn't take a cover up to give people an excuse to love each other, apparently it does and that's just the way people are just now, but it's better having a cover up to make people love everything than to not at all.
I think
Christmas is what the 60's must have felt like, and i want all of you to take Christmas and the 60's as an example of what we have to be changing ourselves into. Ok infact maybe scrap the sixty's, it did have a bit too much colours, and drugs.. mind opening drugs, and peace, and love, and wild sex, and amazing music...... ok sorry forget what i said we're including the 60's again.
Here's my point.
Look at this
comparison; Christmas time, and post Christmas time. Everyone's miserable after Christmas, because everyone thinks that's all the love and happiness finished, well who decided that? IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE!!

Them amazing feelings you get at
Christmas time and wait a whole year for don't actually come from Christmas time itself, that's just a time of year, they come from you! So don't see it as the only time you're allowed to start being amazing because it doesn't have to be limited. Just take Christmas as a little sneak preview of how great everything can be if we get our act together.

OH whats you're favourite
Christmas song? post anonymously if you don't have an account! I'm in the middle of downloading lots.
My favourite i think is Tom Jones + Catatonia - It's cold outside.
or
The
Housemartins - Caravan of Love

Have a sexy fucking
Christmas and a breathtaking new year you bunch of crimbo bastards.
Peace and love x

Monday, 8 December 2008

Freestyling!!!!!.... well, poetry.

I've had the cold and i find that's made my mind very unmotivated and i don't like to think about anything at all really, because everything's depressing.
So this blog, is not anything influential, it's not an interesting commentary or the habits of society or my peers.
What it is, is simply some of the freestyles that i have participated in today.
Yes freestyles, or poetry to the less hip, more commonly known as the 'white man'.
You may ask, "But Kyle, you don't participate in the world of hip hop? Never have i seen you with even the smallest amount of bling, nor with the weakest of ak's, nor with the skankiest of ho's,"
Well, if you open your mind, poetry battles is probably the best thing to make a boring day on the internet a little bit better.
So without out further a poo :

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
cameron black
yer sacks a fukn sack
if yi havent noticed yet this is a fukn freestyle
and yir about tae git pumped of a poet called kyle
technically its a poem, cos we're both caucasian
but that doesnt mean that ma poems arent amazin
take e fukn mic
or keyboard or watever
or are u guna syke
and fukn spew out yer liver

Cameron Black says:
nah i be reppin fresh from the top of my head
my rymes will nock you sick , snuggled up in your bed
ill spit it to this beat , that there is not
then stuff and thing that ryme with what
Im fresh , i cant be touched , im a man of the night
dont be hatin on me cause my skin colour is white
i know im good man , but i dont like to boast
I know im white, but man, you look like you seen a ghost

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
look mate, stop tryn to make these poems all about race,
the colour isnt the worst thing about ur ugly face,
seen a ghost? wee man i dont believe in paranormal,
and just because i can, im guna make this rhyme formal:
dear sir, you appear to be unskilled in the art of rappin,
it'd be my suggestion drop the mic and start nappin,
because i'm a good sport, it'd be spiffing to keep going,
cos theres no way my spits will ever stop the flowing,
so on that note
on that final mile
im ending the poem here
yours sincerley, kyle.

Cameron Black says:
dont be hatin on me like im fuckin fem-in-en
I know i cant rap, stole the last line from em-in-em
ill try not to hurt you, spare you my gravement
any mere eh that shit though , splat yer brains on the pavement
ill keep this goin , my keyboards on fire
rappin so hard youl early retire
if your smart enough youl give up hope
layin this shit down sweeter than afgahn dope

Cameron Black says:
:))there so fun:))

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
'there so fun' here thats one of ur quotes,
thats so much a shiter it'd probably float,
floatin like a toli without the aid of a boat,
yer minds rainin so much shite al needtae buy a coat,
so
am thinkin about copyin these to ma blog,
but as insides jokes they could be as clear as fog,
and incase yer an arsehole thats not very clear,
and if yi hate that metophor al slit yi ear to ear,
cos ma mind comes up with the most beautiful things,
and am not talkin about silk sheets and fancy diamond rings,
but more so things that are less materialistic,
things that stick in yer head like there drippin in prit stick,
things that involve subjects you've never heard of,
things thatl cos the poshest of men to buy a bergos,
things that regard no ettiquette or boundries,
things that are hotter than molten steel in foundries,
things that can cos a fate not much better than rabies
infact... thinkin about it.. all these things are dead babies.

Cameron Black says:
kicken it fresher than ever, like a newborn pup
ma rymes are so fly, layin it down straight up
ill talk about anything you want from the bible to toast
lyrics to make chill and cold like jack froast
like a snowman
and ill demand
on a stand
than ma hand
will comand
and strike you
its a matter of fact, i dont like you
come back , try to spit and defend
its over for now , but this aint the end

Kyle Daniel Lochhead says:
first of all, yer last lines a contradiction,
word of warnin av git mare blades then yer granny bettys kitchen,
thats one of the many reasons you should stop the act now,
or you'll be more up for the slaughter than a beefy angus cow,
the bible to toast? fair enuf thats quite a range,
but neither of them subjects can cos ma life to change,
its not amount of subject matter, its wether its relevant,
and if you look, yours is trivial, like a thimble to an elephant,
so thats ma revolt, is that quite all?
cause you know if you call back again, your guna fall

Cameron Black says:
Yer skills are pish , random collection of words
Insapration - flight-of-the-con-cords
Coming up against you turns out as a joke
i think your dreaming ,you need to be woke
from you sleep, about elephants and cows
and finally realise that right about nows
the time,
to give up trying,
up-ag-ainst-me-equals-lyri-cly -dying
nice try, but it ends today
pack up your shit son, and get on your way


That was my rhymes with cameron, go on his blog at http://cameron-black.blogspot.com/

And the following rhymes are my rhymes with Laurie, you might not understand these ones. Especially if you're in any way, not as cool as us.

Kyle Daniel Lochhead:
aw forgot to ask, see next weekend?
..................................
...........................
don't bring down any kitchens or time,
and please do not let me serf any highly raised wine,
bring down the receipt from where u purchased ur saed,
and if yoov not had a jesus supper ur not goin to bed,
we'll be stickin on some music, a cant think of life without it,
same goes for any splendid yellow ping pong player outfits,
when yer down we best be checkin flights for fukn amsterdam,
and a wham bam merci danke thanka ya mam,
bita beer,
bita lite
never fear
pickin fights
but now, look, the poems come to an end
and im out of bebo love,its rare, so we'll just have to pretend.

(BEEEEBOOOOOO LOOOVE)

Laurie Veitch:
that poem you sent me was a wee bit too Lite,
hopefully this one will turn out to be, suhlight,
but a need to go n finish ma lamp soon,
then ill be stickin eh fuckin wine doon,
can't wait to be chln,
cant wait, it'll be saed,
cant wait to be drappin eh chilli n bread,
cant wait tae tan,aw eh free wine,
cos lets be honest, wen have i ever had time,
gonnae return on wednesday to ma home,
if am not back by then a think ill fuckin BWOHM!

that was my rhymes with laurie, go on his blog at www.he-doesnt-actually-even-have-a-blog.com


I hope this post made you giggle atleast thrice.
Peace and love! x