Halloween, i hate halloween. It's just like any other weekend but instead of you sitting with your friend drinking, it's you sitting with your giant human banana drinking. I'm sitting drinking with a giant banana because the celts used to celebrate the end of the harvest and slaughter there livestock on this day, so why the fuck am i drinking with a giant banana, shouldn't i be taking to some cows with a machete, at what point did the giant banana come into this equation, where the fuck is my machete?
I think theres only one other type of person who would boycott halloween with me, and that's overweight females. Putting myself briefly in the shoes of a female at halloween it'd seem all i have to do is start with the template "Slutty ____ " and fill the blank with literally anything, just this year i've seen the usual suspects like slutty nurse, slutty vampire, slutty alice in wonderland, slutty giant banana. I've also seen some new ones, slutty cavewomen (did they exist?), slutty skeleton, slutty mummy, slutty stapler. It's great to see girls are really progressing and making a good name for themselves, i sure had my finger on the pulse of female culture before i seen the proof of intelectual evolution that was a slutty pocahontas.
The only bad thing i would think that'd happen if halloween ended would maybe be a few costume companys going out of business (maybe that's why they keep halloween alive?) but i think it'd do us good if when in the need of a costume, we made it ourselves, we could do with the practice of practical crafts.
So what i propose is to completley scrap halloween, to keep the fun in it we can make the same date 'dress up and get drunk day' so atleast we're being honest, but on the condition that we make our own costumes. And if you want to keep halloween the way it is but still accept my point of view, then join me, October the 31st 2009, in the cow fields, with a machete and a giant banana suit. See you there ! peace and love x