Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Self Destruction 101

Heres how to become self destructive in 26 easy steps

1)A vodka pineapple please mate.
2)www.youporn.com
3)Prefer own company, to company of peers.
4)Criticise everything.
5)Awrite, eh same again please, vodka pineapple? Infact double please.
6)Don't criticise anything done/decided by yourself, you are right.
7)www.youporn.com
8)Find out about really bad chemicals like aspartame and flouride being in diluting juices and flavoured water.
9)Drink more diluting juice and flavoured water than you ever have in your life, regardless of full knowledge about bad chemicals, in search of the probably unexistant chaos/excitement that these chemicals might bring about.
10)Discover super noodles.
11)Eh, another double vodka pineapple and a shot of jaigermeister please mate, cheers.
12)www.youporn.com
13)Force yourself to get up early for college/work, only to spoil your own effort by intentionally being slower than you need to, and taking 5 to 10 minute periods of pausing what you're doing, staring into space and switching off you're mind to everything, except the fact you're almost completley intentionally making yourself late, and letting people down, all the while being uplifted by the possibility of these bleak prospects.
14)EHHH HAHA, EHHH 2 JAIGERBOMBS AN' A DOUBLE VODKA AND RED BULL HAHAA.
15)Intentionally stare at the scariest looking ned out of the gang right in the eye when walking past, a ned you would have blanked in any way possible previously, even if not seeking conflict with said ned. (see number 9. for logic)
16)www.youporn.com
17)Open savings account, withdraw money from it for alcohol until all is gone. (Acknowledge self loathing that comes with this step)
18)Blatantly ignore any potential for relationships, chant 'It's just a fuck about, she doesn't even like me,' mantra.
19)AA WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BARS SHUT?! AM JUS SAYIN ONE LAST DRINK FUCK SAKE!
20)Become increasingly un fond of social situations, lose motivation to fake conversation for the sake of a pleasent social experience, create akward moments when possible.
21)Carefully set out in head, a to do list for near future that will better life in all areas.
22)Take completed to do list, regurarly look at it, make promises and deadlines for certain tasks.
23)NEVER complete said tasks.
24)Bask in self dissapointment when all deadlines have passed, throw away to do list.
25)Question achievments of recent years, try not to commit suicide.
26)Double you double you double you dot you porn dot com

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